Is this the moment?

Well, Vince Gill just won an award for best country something or other but the closet thing he said about god was "god bless" as he left the podium. I'm not going to count that because it wasn't actually thanking god.

Grammy ewwwness

Some woman named Keelee Smith was just introduced and for some reason Kid Rock came out to duet with her (ha ha "duet" get it?). It was a weird moment because he's much taller than she is and he came out and was in her face like, "You're not going to sing for these people," and she goes, "I'll do anything you want me to do," and suddenly I got this weird, abusive relationship vibe from them. I'm sure that wasn't the intent but if he'd smacked her I wouldn't have been surprised.

And now we get to a white category, best rock album. Let's see if the winner thanks god.

It's the Foo Fighters, no surprise there. The first person Dave Grohl thanks? "Clive". But did anyone thank god? NOPE. Not even a little bit.

Back to the Grammy's!

BLACK PEOPLE!

Not only black people, but GOSPEL black people. So not only with there be an abundant thanking of Jesus, there will be singing about thanking Jesus! Which black people do so well.

Again, it's interesting, white people were the ones who started this whole, "jesus" business with the Africans they brought to America (and lets be honest, they didn't ask them nicely to convert either) and yet, aside from Evangelical's, in public forums it's usually black Americans who discuss it (unless of course you are running for office)and whenever people need to convey deep spiritual joy and reverence who do they go to?

Black People. Usually black choirs, as with this case for the Grammys where every performer in the gospel tribute was black. I know there are white people who sing "gospel" music, or has it become a specifically black musical genre? I see ads all the time for Time Life Christian music, is that not "gospel"? Or is it that white people just can't sing it as deeply as black people. I've been to white churches and black churches enough in my life to answer that question myself, and no I'm not going to tell you.

Weird: Part Deux

My landlord was just at my door asking me if he could borrow twenty bucks, I shit you not.

If you're wondering, yes I loaned it to him, if only because he's been so cool with me in the past. And because if he doesn't pay me back, I'll knock it off next months rent.

Kanye West

Kanye West is performing a tribute song to his mother and damn if I'm not touched. I know he's an arrogant asshole but he's also talented as all hell and I really feel for him right now. Probably because it makes me think of my own mother and how I would not be able to handle it if she was taken from me so suddenly. The song is beautiful, I think it's "Hey Momma", the chorus is, "Last night I saw you in my dreams/Now I can't wait to go to sleep."

If he cries, I might cry...wait, the song is over.

Something I'm noticing about tonight is that there are a lot of performances and very little award giving. They went straight from Kanye West into Fergie with John Legend. Interesting.

Observation: Definitely, Maybe Not

While watching the Grammy's and keeping my tally (thus far, one black artist has thanked god), I saw a preview for the film Definitely, Maybe, starring the once uber muscled Ryan Reynolds as a dad telling his daughter the bedtime story of how he met her mother. The thing with this film is that the girl apparently doesn't know who her mother is, so it's her job to figure out which one of daddy's girlfriends is his baby momma out of three possible candidates.

What got me when I saw the trailer to this is why the fuck doesn't this kid know who her mother is? Unless you're abandoned at birth isn't that kind of hard? If the mom's died why are there no pictures? If the dad's getting a divorce, well, that's an obvious question. My friend and I went through various situations and all of them lead back to the kid should know who her momma is, unless the mom ran off after the birth and the dad was so upset he just never told her, which is a kind of assholish thing of him to do. The kid should know who her mom is is what I'm saying.

As I caught another preview for the film that thought popped in my mind again, and I thought it would have been more believable for a child to figure out who their father is, but immediately after I had that thought I realized how impossible a film like that would be to get made, because, while Ryan Reynolds can have a relationship with three different women at various times and could get one pregnant at any while not being with the other two, the reverse would basically be a mother telling her kid that she had sex with three dudes during the same time period. And that would make her a slut and we just can't have that. Ryan Reynold's being a slut is perfectly acceptable but as far as we've come we just can't have women having sexual relations with three different guys unless there's an acceptable space, like, say a year, between them.

I won't be seeing Definitely, Maybe for the answer to my question, but I'm sure someone will tell me how the writer designed it so the kid doesn't know who her mother is.

Weird...

Have you ever been in your car, listening but not really listening to a song because while the radio's on and you're driving you're on autopilot and not really paying attention? And about half way through you come back down to Earth and realize what you're listening to and go, "Why the fuck am I listening to this?" and change the channel?

I've had plenty of moments like that, including this one where I'm "watching" the Grammey's and even though it just started I wondered, "Why the fuck am I watching this?" I can't honestly remember the last time I watched a Grammy show, and I used to be the kid who watched all the freakin' award shows because I dreamed that someday it would be me getting a Grammy (for what I do not know), Golden Globe, Emmy, Oscar, MTV Video Award (back when they actually played music videos) MTV Movie Award, Blockbuster Award. Pretty much everything except People's Choice Award, cause we know those don't mean a damn thing.

But over the years I've whittled down the number of awards shows I watch to three: Emmy's, Golden Globes and the Oscars, cause in our heart of hearts we know those are the only awards that matter.

But I will watch tonight's Grammy's, not because I really want to, it's kinda hard to get into such things when they're on a time delay and I can find out who won with a click of my mouse. I'll watch because I can make a game out of it. I'll tally and see how many artists thank god in their speeches. I've noticed that a lot of the non-white artists (and country music artists) will thank god first thing, but the non-country white artists, who's ancestors fought so hard to introduce the Christian god to those brown heathens, hardly ever do it. I find this fascinating. Along with the fact that with so much going on in the world these artists actually think god would give a shit they just won a material possession.

It really does seem like the end is nigh

So there was a vote and supposedly it went well. Our village elders are saying the rapture could come by Wednesday. Hallelujah.

The End is Nigh!

So many times people have "predicted" the "end" of the world. What irks me is that what they failed to realize is that the end would actually be of people, the Earth would be just fine. And quite frankly, if the end meant I didn't have to be bothered with those people always declaring the Rapture.

Well, there is a new breed of Evangelical. The Strike Evangelical, who is now, and has been for a few weeks, always declaring that the strike is or will be over. Last year it was, "The strike will be over by Thanksgiving!" and when that date passed, "The strike will be over before Christmas!" And then the AMPTP walked out like the Grinch who's heart decided two sizes sucked and went back down.

It was quite for a while, probably as quiet as it was after the clock struck 1900 and all those faithful who'd climbed to the top of the mountain had to lower their shoulders and trot right back down, wondering why Rapture passed them by.

But like herpes the strike rumors didn't stay down for long, they flared back up right after the DGA signed their deal and became a full outbreak once the WGA began informal negotiations with the producers. From then on it was whispers of "strike's over, strike's over," and instead of practicing safe sex everyone, some writer's included, spread the disease.

It came to a head last week, when it was "The strike will be over Monday!" And, much like 1900, Monday came and went, not bothering to fill the pipe dream prophecies of so many disgruntled Hollywood types. Then came the news of this Saturday's meeting, where the WGA leadership will present the details of the deal and take a vote. You'd think Jesus was right around the corner, peeking out and holding a finger to his gleeful lips in a kind of "shhh" manner, waiting for his time to pop out the way people are acting. Every where I turn, again, is news of "strike's over, strike's over."

It is NOT over. As much as I would love it to be over, as much as a part of me wants this Rapture to be true, it's not over until the Guild says it's over. The fat lady, to use the pun, has not sung. We don't even know if she's fucking warming up.

So I will not climb up that mountain. I will wish the guild leaders the best, and remain skeptical until they tell me otherwise and it would be better if everyone did the same.

If You Want to See Jesus Unharmed, Clean Up Your Wiener Poopie

I just giggled a little inside. Okay, I laughed out loud.