In it for the Long Haul...Possibly

You ever get that sneaking feeling that you're supposed to be doing something else? While it could be for anything I am talking about in the "life" category of this conversation.

I will admit I had one opportunity for gainful employment in the TV business, however it didn't go through. While my heart wasn't set on getting this job, it would have offered me a way out of the doldrums that is the temp job I currently work for where I find myself giving less and less of a shit every single day, however that's possible. Is there a negative level of "can't give a shit"? Or does it become a point where "can't give a shit" reaches absolute zero and either doesn't exist anymore or has to reset itself?

I will probable have the answer to that in a few days/weeks, I don't even know. With no new prospects on the horizon I feel like I'm walking through the desert, hoping for a mirage if only to keep some shred of hope.

What brought this emotional state about? I realized today that I have become one of millions of Americans who has a Job That Pays the Bills. This is different from other jobs because it's a job you hate but you drag yourself out of bed every morning because there's rent to pay and perhaps next month you may in fact have to get another car because yours won't pass smog inspection and the local DMV is on to you and your addiction to their temp tags and has cut you off cold turkey.

But I digress...

I have such a job now and while I shouldn't bitch and moan about it, guess what, I will. I don't like this job. Not one bit. And in the short time I've been working there, it has come to the point where every morning I look out my window at the sun coming up over the apartment building across the way and go, "Fuck, it's morning," when instead I should be happy that I can even see dawn because it means I didn't randomly die in my sleep.

Here's the thing about me though, and I will be honest with you: I bitch about everything. Every single job I've had I bitched about, though for 99.99987% of those the bitching was warrented, as is the case here.

But even when I had a Job I Loved and I bitched about it, it was that good kind of bitching, like what you do for family or any loved one that annoys you and where you actually were getting a paycheck that would have been able to support, bills, rent and a car payment. God I miss it.

I hope I'm not here too long, I hope I can get back to the good bitching about my job. Really, I've only had one job where I didn't want to jab a pen in someone's neck and that was a wonderful feeling. Here, I see pens every where, and not just 'cause I'm stocking them in the supply cabinets.

To end this post I'll leave you with a quote from an episode of Futurama that happened to be playing exactly as I was writing this post:

"Isn't it time you gave up on any hope of improving yourself in any way?"

Nay, I say to you, Bender. Nay it's not. There is, and will always be May, and with it it will bring the Upfronts and potential Jobs I Love.