Have you ever felt just, I don't know, totally useless? I find myself feeling that way a lot lately. And I know it's probably just me being my own worst critic but even still I worry about my performance. Or, to put it more bluntly, whether I measure up.
I have, what I have just made up right now, Faux Penis Envy, or F.P.E. It's not like Freud's penis envy where he thought women wanted a penis of their very own cause the things just look like so much fun (and not to mention practical) but I'm basing my F.P.E. on the real penis envy, where dudes think their little dudes just don't measure up to everybody else's dudes.
For some reason I always feel like I don't measure up. And in reality I have no idea what's going on but that doesn't even matter cause the only thing I care about is what's going on in my head. Unless what's in my head actually happens in real life and it either confirms what I'm worried about or it doesn't and my nerves are calmed.
Like I said, I'm probably worrying too much but I can't bring myself to believe that. If anything I don't think I worry enough. I need to relax and I'm sure Karen and Mike will have awesome, super ways of doing that.
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I am probably not the best person to talk to about relaxing right now. My suggestion is Clonazepam. The worst relaxation idea I've read recently is something like, "Think of a tree. Imagine yourself as a tree, because trees have been through all sorts of hard times, bad weather, fires, whatnot. If a tree can do it, you can too!" Jesus Christ. Whatever.
Poor Mike, he's not much of a relaxer these days. As far as the worry goes, there are two ways for it to work out...
You can keep doing it, putting yourself in the situation that bothers you and eventually, you'll get so desensitized to the rejection anymore and pitching ideas comes naturally, as well as taking rejection and succeses.
Or you can try to get an anti-anxiety medicine that might kill your ambition or it might get you excited to participate, depending on how it works.
I'm burnt out on life and I just drink to relax. I don't think that's suitable really.
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