Worry Wart

I like to worry. Well, I don't like to worry but whenever I find myself worrying it's like a domino effect and one worry leads to another and to another and so on and so forth until in my mind the world has ended in an apocalypse.

Yesterday was a good day for me. I did good. I did Something Right and by the end I was walking out of the office on a high. Today, however, not so much.

I made a mistake at work. I take responsibility for my mistake and have learned a valuable lesson that I already knew but last night I went against my better judgment and finished up work at home and this afternoon I had my boss give me a little talk about stuff that was missing and or wrong. Naturally, in my head I freaked the fuck out and even now I can feel the pressure in my mind as I go over every little detail and beyond on how I Fucked Up.

Since I Fucked Up I was told to redo the work and I did but I am now worrying that I have Fucked Up again and am on pins and needles that my boss is going to email me or call me telling me that despite my second chance I have still Fucked Up. I will not be fine probably until Monday when the boss is finished working on the outline.

I know that I shouldn't be as stressed as I am but I can't help it, again, it's my nature and I'm realizing how mentally addictive it is for me to nit pick myself and thus far I've gotten myself to the point where I'm waffling between I'll never work in this town again and throwing a childish tissy fit that when I have my own show I'll be better off.

In order to calm myself down I actually had to pour myself a glass of red wine (Momma calm down, it was one glass and I'm not becoming an alcoholic). But while the rest of my body was relaxed and at ease my mind was still going a mile a minute with all the possible new ways I could have fucked up.

One thing is for sure, I will never work at home again. Home is play and relax time and I can't concentrate. And the second thing is that various gods and dieties will be hearing me asking for favors for the next few days. Zeus, I'm looking at you.